You want me to stay where??

This is not my first stay at the Crowne Plaza San Antonio Airport in San Antonio, Texas. In fact, I've been a regular here for years. So...

Why is it that when I checked in this time you acted like I've never been here before? Oh, no. You can't fool me. I know that you have records. You know who stays here a lot.

Until this stay, I used to stay in the hotel 5 or 6 times a year and did so for 3 years. I was always pleased with the customer service, enjoyed the club lounge, felt safe, and slept well.

In fact, up until recently this hotel used to be on my “favorites list.” Then something happened. I don’t know if the property changed management or what, but the last few stays I started noticing difficulties. On several visits I had something go wrong – the room wasn’t ready, the keys didn’t work, the safety lock on the door was not working. I kept going back because of my previous positive experiences, and because every property occasionally has a bad day. When you travel a lot you accept that even the best properties occasionally have a glitch.

I am also very well aware of the fact that Platinum Priority Club members are offered upgrades on space available basis. This hotel almost always had upgrades for loyal clientele. The few times I wasn’t upgraded, I was still given a room on a high floor in the main building and given access to the club lounge.

This time though, as soon as I saw the room I was given I left the property and haven’t gone back. This last experience along with all the inconsistencies finally pushed me over the edge.

I made my reservation for this hotel over a month out, but when I arrived I was told that the hotel was full. They did not have any rooms in the main building, but the young lady at the desk said they had “upgraded” me to a room in the back section. The room turned out to be right over the parking garage - smaller than any room I’ve had at any hotel - low ceiling, dark, and stuffy. I was appalled that the desk clerk called it an “upgrade.” In my opinion, if that accommodation was an upgrade for a loyal guest, the hotel management needs to be retrained. When I went back to the desk to express my dissatisfaction, I was not even offered an apology... just a comment that I would not be charged for the room. I left.

The way I see it, if I want to be ignored I'll call Sprint customer support.

Don't touch that channel!

A hotel in the middle of a shopping center. What'll they think of next? The Crowne Plaza in Fort Meyers, Florida is average as far as hotels go. Nothing really outstanding, but no real complaints, either. I was given a room on the key-access fifth "Priority" floor, and found myself completely underwhelmed. The room was quite small and had a slight musty smell. Some really funky smell came up through the sink drain in the bathroom, but since I was only staying one night I could deal with it. The internet was wireless. Wireless. Yay! (Yes - this is a running theme.)

When I travel I often eat dinner sitting at the hotel bar. This time when I went to find a place to sit at the at the bar, it was full. Many of the seats were taken by children. Fascinating.

The lounge reminded me a bit of Las Vegas, a cacophony of light and sound. (I find myself thinking about Las Vegas a lot these days, probably because I have a holiday scheduled there soon.)

There were at least 28 flat-screen TVs encircling the room, all playing a different channel, mostly sports. I counted them, but I suspect I missed a few, too. The voice-over playing on the speakers was coming from a source I didn't see, and trying to find the screen that matched the sound provided me with the evening's entertainment. I never did figure it out, and it made my dinner interesting. I wondered if anyone actually watched any of them.

I'm glad I didn't sit at the bar, because it wouldn't have had been nearly as much fun. And I think the drink special must have been Shirley Temples.

No jewels in this Crowne

I should have picked up on the first clue.

After I checked in to the Crowne Plaza in Austin, Texas I went to the elevator and my key wouldn't work in the executive floor key reader on the elevator. I went back to the front desk and the clerk told me that the middle elevator was always a little weird, and I should use one of the other two. I pushed the button, and the middle elevator door opened. I pushed the button again. No other elevator responded. It was starting to remind me of a Twilight Zone episode I saw once. I finally took the service elevator. The service elevator magically stopped on every floor.

My room on the executive floor was the very last room at the end of the hall. I think it had previously been a closet.

I was actually stunned when I walked in the room. The ceiling was low. The room was almost entirely filled with the king-sized bed, which was actually pushed up to the wall. I don't know how the housekeepers were able to make it up. The nightstand was in the only possible location in the room and was about two feet from the bed. I tried to make the best of it, I really did. But I was supposed to stay three nights at this hotel. I decided it was going to be unacceptable when I realized I was going to have to get out of bed to turn off the lamp or turn off the alarm. The whole experience reminded me of the pictures in my childhood storybook of Alice in Wonderland. When Alice ate the cake she grew so large she had to bend over to stand up in the room. Weird stuff in that book.

I plugged in my laptop at the desk to use the free hotel internet. The signal was so low the internet was virtually nonexistent. I looked at other available wireless networks in the area, and discovered that the hotel next door had a pretty good connection.

I looked for another outlet to charge my blackberry and ended up having to charge it in the bathroom. My cell phone just had to wait its turn. I'm just glad I didn't have to wait in that line.

I decided to stay the night, then checked out the next morning and went to another hotel. If I wanted to stay in a rabbit hole I would've invited Alice.

Ready? Set?.....go figure!

I arrived at the Crowne Plaza in Little Rock, Arkansas fairly late in the evening. It would have been nice to have had my priority check-in ready to go when I got there, but it wasn't. The desk clerk gave me my keys and said thank you. I had to ask where to go to get to the room. I asked if I was on the executive floor and she said yes. Since she didn't offer any other information I decided that I was on my own.

The executive level "club" floor of the Crowne Plaza Little Rock is key access only. My room was spacious, nicely decorated, comfortable - and right next door to the ice machine. So here is a bit of advice to anyone staying in room 507 of this hotel...make sure you have earplugs. Fortunately, Crowne Plaza Hotels usually provide these in a little amenities bag on the bed when you check in. Earplugs are in there along with an eye mask, and linen spray. I never use the spray. Or the eye mask. But the earplugs come in very handy when people decide they need ice at 2:00 in the morning.

The executive floor had a concierge lounge with complimentary breakfast, evening appetizers, and children. Children everywhere. Now, one of the things I like about executive floors is the fact that the concierge lounge offers a quiet area to snack and unwind at the end of a long day. Not so when the executive floor is filled with children. I finished my nice appetizers and went to my room.

I stayed in this hotel on a business trip, so my stay was during a work week. Apparently the executive floor of this hotel isn't a "quiet" floor catering to business travelers. It was more like a race track in a daycare center. I listened to children running track and field time trials as they raced up and down the hall. When they weren't running they were knocking on doors and slamming them once they were let in. Well, they were slamming them when room service wasn't delivering, which was every thirty minutes or so. This went on well into the night. Somewhere around 2:00 in the morning I arrived at the conclusion that the parents couldn't stop them because they were busy filling their ice buckets.

The second night of my stay, (more accurately the second morning) I received a phone call at 5:08 AM. I picked up the receiver and the guy at the other end of the phone asked if I had received my earlier wake-up call. I said I had not, but then I hadn't actually requested one either. The guy said "Oh, I guess I read the number wrong. I apologize." But he didn't sound very sorry. I was sorry, because he woke me up out of a no-children-no-ice machine sound sleep.

Crowne Plazas take their wake-up call service very seriously. In fact it's guaranteed that you'll be awakened as requested. Hence the call to make sure I'd received the call. But I didn't want either call at 5:00 in the morning. I wonder if they have some sort of guarantee that they'll call the right room?

I ate dinner one night in the hotel lobby bar, Rocks. They had a live artist who played guitar and had a lovely voice that reminded me a bit of Dan Fogelberg. He played to a group of people that basically ignored him like they would elevator music. And, he had the background accompaniment of the kids screaming and laughing in the lobby's indoor pool. But I clapped and said thank you. He seemed a little surprised that anyone was actually listening. I've played to audiences of 6 people, too. I sensed a psychic bond between under-appreciated performers. Just then, the waitress, a 20-something sweet young thing stopped by and asked "Can I get you anything else sweetie?" Suddenly I felt like I was the little blue-haired lady on the front row at a Sunday afternoon matinee.

I love a parade.

My GPS didn't know that the Crowne Plaza San Antonio Airport was here. But it was there in San Antonio, Texas. It was a bit of a challenge to navigate because of the construction on Loop 410, but after I arrived I decided it was worth the effort. What a lovely hotel.

My room was on the "key access only" concierge floor, but it did have its share of weirdness. When I got off the elevator I couldn't help but notice that the entire hall was lined with mini-fridges. It looked like a refrigerator convention. I almost expected to see them pull out their little fezzes and head to the bar.

The room was spacious and comfortable, and had very nice "extra" amenities. But the oddities continued once I got inside. The faucet in the bathroom was hooked up backwards - hot was cold and cold was hot. Now one nice feature in most Crowne Plazas is the nifty little "chip clip" they give you for the curtains to shut out street light. It works. But in this room, I needed some kind of device to cover up the electric blue light on the air conditioner wall control. It was so bright that it would catch my eye in the night if I happened to wake up enough to roll over. It was very annoying. I actually went and bought tape to put paper over it for my second night. The room was awfully warm, too. I turned down the electric blue thermostat, but I think the hotel had set it at a range of temps, so no matter how I set it it would be what they wanted me to have. So much for choice.

There was a concierge lounge with complimentary cocktails and snacks, and it was substantial enough that I ate dinner there my first night. I also enjoyed the full breakfasts. It was nice to have servers that were exceptionally attentive and pleasant. All in all I really enjoyed my stay in this hotel. In spite of its idiosyncrasies it was enough to make me want to grab my fez and join the parade.

The top news story on TV in San Antonio was about a guy that died when he fell into a vat of chocolate. How sad. Death by chocolate. And we thought it was only a description of dessert at the local steakhouse.

The last morning when I left my room the refrigerators were gone. I guess they caught an earlier flight than me.